Sunday, January 20, 2019

Dry January/Ex-Dream

The first, second, and third days tremble through the week
Stumbling and nascent, their legs shaking off the weight of entering the world
Anew
Senses sharpen like knives on the whetstone
Appetite and thirst shift between stagnation and craving
How odd to think of you now…

On the fourth and fifth day my stomach
Sends me quaking into the kitchen with appetite and thirst
Renewed
I toss together kale, spinach, arugula, and olives dressed with tahini and garlic
When I first met you
You were dressed in bourbon and ginger
The night flushed in your cheeks and eclipsed your demeanor
Earth’s shadow pours blood over the moon

The sixth and seventh days convince me
Of my power over the urge
I button up my shirt, slip into oversized slacks
Crank up the car and it sputters with the weight of age and rust and moisture
Before ambling through the driveway, scraping past the shoulders of bushes
Their waxy leaves winking in the winter morning light

When I first met you
I noticed your eyes were the color of hazel
They danced between green and cold
The same way the sunlight does, bouncing from leaf to leaf
On tree to tree

How odd to think of you now

As all my poisons are dispelled from my body

Monday, November 26, 2018

Microdream: Dad

You were not there when I needed you the most.
What else is there to say?

Wednesday, November 21, 2018

Golem, Upon Realizing the Holy Word on HIs Forehead Was Love

Golem, Upon Realizing the Holy Word on your  ForeHead was Love

Did you quicken and feel beating in your chest?
When the holy word on your forehead pulsed
did you know it as the voice of god?
Is the voice of  god an algorithm
wrapping strings of code around your head
A crown of predictive values wrapped around your head?

Do you know where you will go before I tell you?
Did your will tell you where to go before I told you?

Around your head a crop of moss flushes green and bright
Atop your clay and flesh
From clay to flesh and back again
Sacred and profane
God's breath pulsing through your body
Does the holy word on your forehead whisper commands or comfort?
Does it keep you in the cold attic or bring you the living room's warmth?


Automoton with breath of light
Are you a body or a construct?
Do those ball joints bear the burden of living
Or the weight of command?
Is this missing piece a rib ripped from your body as you took
your first steps in the garden or is it a design flaw in the blueprint?

Is your blueprint a schematic or is it a map of genetic code?
Think about your answer carefully?
One means you were created.
The other means you were born.

Here's a hint: If you were never created, you can never be destroyed...

Monday, October 29, 2018

Habitualism, Or When the Process of Cultural Memory Is Lubricated by Alcohol

Habitualism

Gateway gate·way noun -- a means of achieving a state or condition

They say that in the beginning
The world was formed
When the god's light expanded and burst
Dripping like honey to meet our eager mouths
Filling all of us bright and supple
Living and angry vessels
Primordial and sublime
Forming our shapes from light and shadow
We lanced through the darkness as we fell to earth
We landed and began to consume
Our fathers drank and never stopped...

Habit hab·it noun -- a settled or regular tendency or practice, especially one that is hard to give up.

My father drank and never stopped
When he tried to speak only foam came out
Once I saw Aphrodite try to be born from the froth of his mouth
To divine the truth from the spittle he made
From the bubbles she coaxed I saw glimpses of his memory
Many of the bubbles were blacked out and empty
But a few shone iridescent with the clarity of the past

In the first bubble
my father's father whose face I have never seen
walking away with his back turned
his head bobbed up and down with each step
left, right
left, right
going, going
going, gone

In the second bubble
my mother laying heavily upon a hospital bed
heaving under the weight of birth
her sweat twinkling around her head like a diadem
she looked almost like a constellation
as she bridged the gap between two worlds
she holds her own hands while my father reaches
for the bottle in his heart

Tradition tra·di·tion the transmission of customs or beliefs from generation to generation, or the fact of being passed on in this way.

The only thing I inherited from my father
Was the bottle in his heart
With it I can perform my most miraculous acts
See my anxieties?
I turn them to wine
Depression: wine
Loneliness: wine
Inadequacy: wine

To perform the miracle
You must practice the ritual
It begins every time my moth-eaten knees
Prostrate themselves on the tile of the bathroom floor
They've rounded out an archive of every offering I've made
And every prayer I've presented to my cracked toilet seat

What god will spring forth from the foam of my mouth?
Will it be another love-god aiming to seduce the truth from my ravings?
Or will it be a toolmaker-god, who can forge an instrument strong enough
To break a son free from his father?

Tuesday, October 9, 2018

Major Arcana: The Illustrator

When the Illustrator enters
It signals the need to observe one's own will
As their pen strokes paper
So does intention stroke reality

When the Illustrator enters
Thought is given outline
And outline is given shape
And shape is given substance
And substance is given form

When the Illustrator enters
Light bends about us all
The vibrant colors of our empathy
Wraps prismatic around those we hold dear

When the Illustrator enters
They grasp imagination in their hands
Dream is a medium they've mastered
Hope sits on the tip of their tongue
Intention becomes a gentle stroke upon our history


Saturday, August 11, 2018

A Litany of Transcripted Voicemails Demonstrating Need

Hello.
Maybe I'm just green.
Ain't you this? Can you call me?
Maybe try him again later.

Hi, my name is [redacted]. Can I get appointment by tomorrow Friday like around 2?
My phone number is [redacted]. Thank you.
Hello. Hello you babe. This is [redacted]. He needs
you need the paper for me to prove that he is he does have
Medicaid. Because you want to go to his appointment.
Thank you.

Good morning a message.
Hey jumbled, but Joseph when you meet me by window.
Poo poo poo poo. Poo poo Jessica, Cecila, Daddy.
Okay. He's about to Jessica call. You got to do call
me back right away or Dana South with the deletion
of Emma I sent.

Hello, this is a spot. So I wanted to talk to you
if I bring his wife tomorrow morning with more than 1
in with him to the agency on Roku called her wife has walk.
Just please answer him or leave a message for him.
Thank you.

I am accept last addition. LOL mo at Dr. Raja.
My other question is on the faucet the tuna noodle
on Stan Bennet. I'm leaving the kids a bath, but I know
he is mentally and Penta. Restylane Ella there is room.
Yeah after work. The homemowner.

Hi, please. Call me back. I have been submitted my friend
talk to that. Please call me back.

Good morning, son. I can come by the agency please
call me back. I need to review record. I was hope.
My doctor yesterday you say he won't lose a result.
To the hospital no cost he wants right now. You want to do
because he want to do. Some more 444 this on a result Okay.
He need is a my son to my son did to my my blood oh
my God.

Okay. Joseph Hey Lee. Matoaca break for your
name in the Bible she doing a pack of simonini mom
as promised. I did lose. I'm unable to be found.
This is a concern. I know the calendar this way.
This made me happy mark. I know you're going to send
over the next year settlement message is equal glenda
more definition of your dependent will be interested
lifetime the commandment you mad at me. I say Shanna
green card sash on for the barbed energy you massage
may notify the agency, but you might obama tee-hee
open position as a green card one of the duck. I'm in the
material on Shadow reaction social security disability and
mom would check up to the minute. I'm about to go shopping.
I love you. Do you never give up?

Tuesday, July 24, 2018

Black Boy Converts Himself to Nitrogen to Survive

Upon when eyes enter and penetrate
My body -- yield myself to gaseous form
Set and release the bones unto electronic fields
And hereupon now find myself rotating in valent orbitals

The laws of nature transcend the laws of man
If only because they are unspoken
Or unobserved
Or unobservable as they shift as soon as they are seen

I render myself to a new and gaseous form
I consider the shift of my atomic weight
Nitrogenous in my prestige
And just like nitrogen I am cold and absent of life

I mean to say that if I am not alive then you cannot hurt me
Can I say it again?

If I am not alive then you cannot hurt me.

Inorganic and alien.
Can you see the room filling with me as I expand?
Look how I feel every space.
Transformation is one way to exercise agency.
What I mean to say is that I am not a victim.

If I am not alive then you cannot hurt me.

Can you see the room filling with me as a I expand?
Look how I fill every space.
I displace all the oxygen in the room.
And now anyone who dares to gaze at me asphyxiates under my atomic weight.

I am not a noble gas (and I would never pretend to be).
What I mean to say is that I am not a victim.

I am gaseous as mist evaporating in the new day.
Gaseous as the moon pulling itself out of the water during sunrise.
Unspoken and unobservable
I shift as soon as I am seen.
Look I am governed by the laws of nature
Invulnerable to the gaze
I shift as soon as I am seen.