Night Stand

You walked out the door--so smoothly
I'm sure that you and the doorknob were conspiring against me

Cause when I try to walk out every morning to face the day
It jams shut like a jaw clenched tight before the vocal chords
Strum words the brain doesn't want to say- stay

When you turned the knob
The lock slipped--so smoothly
Like you slipped out of my bed
I do not know you, but I'd love the potential of you to stay
But when you hear noises in the middle of night signaling
EXIT- like blazing door signs
You can't help but stay quiet

It is rude to hold on
So I carry on
Sleeping
Pretending to
Hoping that when I wake up the evidence of you
Will not be planted on my unlocked door

But it always is.

I have always had this thing where I get
The worst anxiety when someone makes the sounds
Of silently leaving in the dark
When that happens- I look at my one night stand
And pull a pill to alleviate the strain
Of knowing that I'll never have to remember your name
It goes against my nature like it goes against yours to stay

I put the pill in my mouth
It's heavy as a jawbreaker

Then you call.

"Dinner at this place I think you'll like?"

I say yes. And that yes.
Hit's me so hard that I spit the pill out.

I look at the night stand.
And then I realize that one night stand is something
We could share
When we grow old together
And we can fill the drawers
With something other than
Pills.