Wednesday, May 1, 2013

Timely


The greatest gift I can give to you
Is the skill of temporal mindfulness
Knowing that all that was, that is, and that will ever be
Can be navigated through with a flexible mind and perception of time
And I know if you can survive a day you can survive a month
And if you can survive a month you can survive a year
And years are makers of lifetimes so in your lifetime
I hope that I can help you realize that learning to live and accept
is as simple as constructing a time-frame
Because if change is the master of life then time is the master of change
And you are the master of them both and can barter the price of life
To a negligible cost

Week 1
The first week is always the closest to tragedy
In the way that a newborn is closest to its mother
What is newly born will cling to what gave it life
And its self-preservation will try to overshadow yours
You will know its battle cry as the sharpening keenness
Of the feelings of blame and shame
Your hearing will be more sensitive when walking among insensitive social circles
Encircled around the barren carcass of a still smoldering rumor
"Is that the girl who--"
"Bless her heart--"
"Sometimes bad things happen to good people--"
This week will be the hardest because the past knows how
Hard to hit you in your regret to make you feel like
You are at fault for the uncontrollable
The remedy for this is knowing that the past
Is like shitty music
It will be irrelevant
Before you even know it
So dance to the tune of your own heartbeat
Cause it will be all you have to remind you
That this is your body and no one else’s
The past goes for easy targets the way that men
Who do not know the meaning of the word stop
Go for easy targets until they put up a fight
So dance your sword dance
Dance your sword dance

Week 2
The second week will consist of constantly guarding your back
When you should be protecting your front
Because when the present----- presents itself it will do so
With the apathetic force that turns the gears of every clock
Wake up, brush your teeth, shower, get dressed, go to class,
go to work, flash a smile at the appropriate times for both
People will demand that you rebuild your social life
When you are trying to remember how to rebuild yourself
After  a stubborn hurricane
The cloth you use to restitch your social fabric will be soaked and tattered
The wood you use to rebuild your home and hearth will be splintered and wet
A fire will not burn hear for a long time
But people will beg for the warmth of your smile
To console themselves
With the flimsy assurance
that you are just fine
Even when you are not
Cause even if you can put up a haphazard shack of socially acceptable behavior to
Cover up the foundation of fear that has gripped your home
The stones you set in place will be moist and damp
Because fear is a slippery slope
The remedy for this is to treat the present as a present
This time is yours to do what you want with it
Because other people are guests of the future
Water eaten thread will not tie you to them reliably
Water eaten wood will not make for an inviting hearth or home
Slippery foundations will scare them away before they even get to the front door

Week 3
The third week will be taunting the way the light at the end of the tunnel always is
The smell of fresh air will be welcome but you will still be too scared to breathe too deeply
Handle this week with moderation with the same moderation with which you anticipate the future
Because the future's greatest weapon is temptation and temptation's most vulnerable targets
Are the hasty impulses that galvanize your bones when you want something so badly
You will want to feel normal so badly
You will want this ugly cemented in your bones
To not live so close to your heart’s home
But know that this ugly is not a resident here
It is an intruder and it has no alibi
You are not a walking crime scene
You are evidence of a soul looking forward
No matter how hard life has tried to pull you backwards
It is tried and true that time heals all wounds if you let it
And as much blood and tears as you have had to let
 to get to this week
You deserve to feel pretty again
To feel real, to not feel used up
The remedy to a daunting future
Is trusting yourself
Start little
Trust yourself the way you trust a chair not to give way when you sit
Trust yourself the way the rope wrapped around your neck trusts the blade when the knife hits
Trust me when I tell you that on your darkest days if you ever get into a kicking match
With a bucket I will always hope for the bucket to win
This week will be the tipping point

Week 4
The last week is crucial
It is the forgetting week
It is the remembering week
Yesterday will feel so long ago
But not too long ago
Fingerprints will leave their mark around your neck
Or maybe that was just a memory
People will continue to ask
But it will be easier to talk about
At least it will feel easier to talk about
Particularly in the day
Nights will be mourning periods
Grief will be a visitor who always overstays his welcome
But he is not visiting you
He is visiting the misery you harbor
And she knows when she's not welcome
And so does her company
Keep yourself in the company of people who believe in ghosts
They know how to deal with the past
Keep yourself in the company of ambitious children
They know how to deal with the present
Keep yourself in the company of the hurting wise
They know that the future has already happened before
Survive on a diet of Chinese fortune cookies
The ones that are actually from China
Because when it comes down to it they were on to something
For example
The Chinese word for crisis is a combination of two characters that mean
Tragedy and Opportunity
Agents of time
Who is the master of change
And you are the master of them all

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