motherson

We are before and after

On the mirror edge

Of time and space

Of gene and code

And chromosome

We a closed loop

A dragon swallowing

His own tail

A story told

Over and oral

Spiraling

Inside of time

Outside of control

A glitch in the message

Forms a bubble of half-truths

To burst from our vague belief

I am not the son or daughter you wanted

But I am the son or daughter you got

Bred into a lesson to be learned

Raised into a mistake not to be repeated

As I watched you love

So I learned the lesson

As I watched you break

So I learned to piece myself together again

The first time a man broke my heart you told me:

“Your capacity to forgive is far stronger

Than any harm a man could cause you.”

A bubbling half-truth

Mom.

You forgot to tell me that I didn't need to go around

trying to prove that to myself.

But I think you forgot to tell yourself the same thing.

I have never had a man

Stand over me with a knife

In his hand yelling about

How he won't be played

Like a small child

While he throws

A temper tantrum

Like a small child

How you told me

At the core

Of every small child

Is someone who needs to be held

You were never around to hold me

Like Madonna held her child

You just checked in on me

Every now and again

To give me advice

Even as I try to move further from your way of life

I am pulled back closer to you

Like Eve to Adam's rib

We are bound

By genetic purpose

To achieve the same fate

Spiraling into control.

But I am hoping

Through glitch and half-truth

To break the system

Undo our programming

Because further along in the origin

Someone convinced us

That the only thing worth living for in this life

Was the struggle of being loved

I am tired of struggling.

Break my rib. Cough up blood. Gasp for air.

You gave birth to me.

But I will teach you how

To be born

Again.