Resonation

I've been resonating a lot with deserts lately
In particular the way the wind kicks up the sand
And the sunlight coruscates off the crystals to form
expectant images -- mirages
I have been walking around with mirages in my head
I can't help it.
The void created by the gravity of your absence was begging to
become a starlight dream projecting movie screen
My brain projected late night showings of the mirages floating around in my head
Bestseller is the day we got stoned and watched Bruno
Didn't say a word at all
But it was perfect
At least in my limited understanding of the word
The night before
We sat in your car before your 20 mile drive home
I can still smell the gasoline
And hear the way your wheels growled against the road
I knew then
As we were separated by exhaust pipes and asphalt
That highways are concrete examples of this abstract idea
of longing going towards a place you know is out there
Some where
And the anticipation of getting there
And hoping the destination isn't just a mirage
Hoping that the sun goes down so the light can't play tricks
On your mind

One day
Three weeks after I never saw you again
I was walking to my car
I looked at the sky and saw the moon so full
I thought she was threatening to break like a fever in her starcloud blanket
You know I wonder as she sits surrounded by her cold halo
If some lunar anxiety ever whispers in her dreams that this is the last
Time she will remain whole
You will wax
You will wane
You will tiptoe with the tide
And toss with the wind
But you will never standalone in solitary beauty
I turned away
No piece of rock will ever know my name

I sit in my room
Staring out the window
There's a singular pleasure I get
From looking at nothing
Like for 10 minutes I exist outside of this constant current
Of time and demand
And I wonder if that's where I went wrong
The day after you left
I told you I was leaving first
You said you didn't understand
And I said
It's the nature of the beast to grow with neglect
They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder
But in this case mine festered
I knew what I deserved
But wasn't fully committed
When I said I had to go
Your pride perked up
Told you that you would never suffer the reality of someone
Walking out on you
You were too accustomed to things being the other way around
So when I said goodbye
I was hoping you'd hear me begging for a door
But you opened up a window
And told me to jump

Now my bones ache
And I can feel the pain of you in my free time
This must be the closure everyone keeps talking about